The city of brotherly love, that’s where my heart was broken ain’t it ironic. I’m not even sure if I fully comprehend what love was back then, but there were no second chances, no forgiveness, no poetry, no sulking or listening to sad songs-I moved on-and perhaps too fast. Some of my acquaintances at the time thought I should have give her a second chance-Nope!
It wasn’t the first time my heart would be broken and it wouldn’t be the last. Oh, I’m no angel, I’ve broken someone’s heart in the past; I’ve fucked up! But, I’ve taken responsibility for my actions and I made a promise to myself, to be a better man, partner, and human being. Included in that promise was to never fuck over anyone else for personal gain especially as it relates to matters of the heart.
You will never see me on social media shitting on my ex or degrading women! I’m a man with feelings, and I’m in tune with my emotions. I don’t need the LBGTQ community, me too movement, times up or feminist preaching to me about sexual harassment or toxic masculinity. It’s not rocket science! Treat women with decency and respect! Don’t be a jerk! Don’t be a dick! Keep her hands to yourself!. Keep your eyes in your sockets!
I’m a dude, I don’t have a favorite football, basketball or baseball team and I don’t give a fuck about the draft and I laugh when I hear people say ”we” need a guard or a QB, because, unless you are on the team, there’s no we-you’re just a fan man. I’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thrones, and I’m not mad at or judge those who watched religiously for eight seasons.
I’m not metrosexual, I happen to have an excellent sense style-I was a pattern maker. I like to read, listen to audiobooks and podcasts. I’m a talker, but I don’t talk shit, and I don’t talk about stuff where I’m clueless-I shut up and listen and hopefully walk away enriched. In a room, I don’t have to be the center of attention, when you meet me in person, I’m the same-I don’t try to dominate the conversation. I’m not the strong silent type or a dumb jock. And contrary to Devon Franklin’s characterization, I am not a dog.
If I have a problem with you and you matter to me, I’m going to seek resolution-I’m gonna wanna talk about it before the sun goes down, because I don’t want to be ambushed later. I’m kinda bright, but I’m not a mind reader. I know I can be a handful, but I’m worth it! I have plenty of surface generic connections, I don’t need any more.
We’re more apt to to accept a man expressing his feelings in a song, but what happens if you’re not an artist? We’re expected to strong stoic and never show any signs of weakness.
Yo! we were sold a bill of goods growing up, can we just keep it a buck? You know what, nah I need to keep it a G, right now for real. And some of us was buying it in mass quantities, and stockpiling it in our pantries and closets-and that’s part of the reason why so many had trouble coming out the closet. And some are still in the closet today. Yet, we still perpetuate this fantasy till this day, and pass it on to the next generation, like remember when you was a shorter, and you fell, what they tell you? “Yo, Yo, shorty brush yourself off, dry your eyes, real men do cry.”
If you believe that I got a bridge for you to buy, Verrazano Narrows Minded Niggaz you should try, sometimes I feel like I wanna cry. I ain’t weird, I ain’t scared, I ain’t afraid to try. I just wanna feel something inside let me know I’m still alive. So I light a candle to set the vibe, music playing low in the background, pen and pad beside me on the night stand as I start to scribe-describe the quiet storm inside. I’ve got deep emotions, I feel the explosions, heart erupting no need for Trojans. I’m not looking for a sexual healing, I’m more than a sexual being.
Long after you arrive my feelings are still strong, even when we’re apart I feel them in my heart. When I reminisce it’s not just about when we first kissed. If we don’t make it safe and acceptable for men to express themselves freely, we’ll never break the cycle.